Accurate Natural History

Prairie dogs are known to live in vast, subterranean hives. They spend their time watching the skies and waiting for their master’s return from the stars as foretold by ancient, obscure prophecy. High-res

Prairie dogs are known to live in vast, subterranean hives. They spend their time watching the skies and waiting for their master’s return from the stars as foretold by ancient, obscure prophecy.

The California sea hare is a gullible creature, never learning from bouts of bloody diarrhea after late night trips to Taco Bell.

The California sea hare is a gullible creature, never learning from bouts of bloody diarrhea after late night trips to Taco Bell.

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while guys. My mom is being a big WHINY BABY and took my computer away after I told my tub of lard little sister her real parents are fat whales and we were forced to adopt her and slim her down by the government (this is actually true, by the way). I hate my parents sometimes!

Anyway, new updates coming soon.

During my interview with Woodsy, an aspiring comedian, he showed me his turkey impression. “Do you think this will kill them at the Laugh Factory?” he asked. “No,” I said. “No, I don’t.” High-res

During my interview with Woodsy, an aspiring comedian, he showed me his turkey impression. “Do you think this will kill them at the Laugh Factory?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “No, I don’t.”

emyunoxious asked: um i just wanted to ask how u know so much and if i could become a naturalist

Well first you have to study all the time! My biology teacher (Ms. Crelm) tells me every day I better work harder or I’m going to amount to nothing. So that’s how you know how serious my research is!

Becoming a naturalist is no laughing matter (well, sometimes it is, LOL!) and it has changed my life for the better. My tantrums/unfair groundings have reduced by 23% since I became one.

Hipster owls often shun outsiders for their perceived poor choice in music. “You don’t understand Lady Gaga like I do, bro. Go back to listening to your power pop nonsense.” High-res

Hipster owls often shun outsiders for their perceived poor choice in music. “You don’t understand Lady Gaga like I do, bro. Go back to listening to your power pop nonsense.”

Donkeys hunt larger prey in groups of 4-8 called “fanny packs.” High-res

Donkeys hunt larger prey in groups of 4-8 called “fanny packs.”

A group of underprivileged bottlenose dolphins (pictured) from the Marine Mammal Community Center in Key West, FL were given VIP access to the recent Lady Gaga concert.

A group of underprivileged bottlenose dolphins (pictured) from the Marine Mammal Community Center in Key West, FL were given VIP access to the recent Lady Gaga concert.

Male gorillas often compete in contests of strength to prove who has the best kill-death ratio on Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Male gorillas often compete in contests of strength to prove who has the best kill-death ratio on Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Appearing before a judge for failure to pay child support Mr. Sloth, 7, explained, “I been TRYIN’ to find a job but other stuff keeps comin’ up!” High-res

Appearing before a judge for failure to pay child support Mr. Sloth, 7, explained, “I been TRYIN’ to find a job but other stuff keeps comin’ up!”