During my interview with Woodsy, an aspiring comedian, he showed me his turkey impression. “Do you think this will kill them at the Laugh Factory?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “No, I don’t.”

Hipster owls often shun outsiders for their perceived poor choice in music. “You don’t understand Lady Gaga like I do, bro. Go back to listening to your power pop nonsense.”

Donkeys hunt larger prey in groups of 4-8 called “fanny packs.”

A group of underprivileged bottlenose dolphins (pictured) from the Marine Mammal Community Center in Key West, FL were given VIP access to the recent Lady Gaga concert.

Male gorillas often compete in contests of strength to prove who has the best kill-death ratio on Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Appearing before a judge for failure to pay child support Mr. Sloth, 7, explained, “I been TRYIN’ to find a job but other stuff keeps comin’ up!”

The Vacanti mouse, a lab specimen that had a real human ear grown on its back, was unveiled before a conference of science reporters. The reporters described the mouse as “extremely evasive” during the interview, saying he would simply respond to all questions with, “What? I can’t hear you.”

When asked what he felt about his impending dissection Pepe the Lab Frog responded, “That’s chill, bro. Hey, you got any more of those Doritos?” He was later arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

A poorly timed first kiss is among the most awkward moments in a young horse’s dating life.